Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
