It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he was CRYING into my vagina
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
