How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
