Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
