I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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