i don't like sucking hair
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
