Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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