youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
