Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
