I'm jealous of your bromance
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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