Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
