So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
