if i can run in heels then i can drive
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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