did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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