Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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