Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
