He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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