I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
