I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
