Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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