so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
