I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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