woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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