I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
