All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We left an ass print on the piano.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
