My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just had sex on a roof
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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