somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
