I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
