It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I touched a dick in church today
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
