i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
