Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
