he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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