All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
