I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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