handjob tips. give me some.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
