He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
