god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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