Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
