her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
