Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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