Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
