Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
