You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
the raccoons are back...
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