Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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