Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Come on in and take your pants off
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