It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
