Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
