I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
