Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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