mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
