Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
