I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
