Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
