im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
