No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He better not be in your backpack
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
