He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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