it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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