He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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