I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
