Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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