Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
