This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
