I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
