When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
