he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
