can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
either way he was missing a nipple.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
