I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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