If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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