if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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