I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
