Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
