Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
