sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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