His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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