"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
