omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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