I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
