He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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