Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
