So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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