just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need to wash the frat house off of me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
