i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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