the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
