foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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