your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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