my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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