he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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