6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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