Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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